Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
