i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
