forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
