i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
