I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
