I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
