nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Please don't give away my fajitas
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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