There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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