You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
