i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My penis needs a shock collar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
