I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
