I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
false alarm, still single
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
