I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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