I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
