I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
