wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
