My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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