And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
