Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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