Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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