Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
