Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
