i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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