On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
