My nipple is on Facebook.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
