My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
