Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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