so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
