oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
