I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so that wasnt chicken after all
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
