No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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