walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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