She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize