You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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