and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
