Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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