she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
