He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry about my life...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
