lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The best revenge is premature balding
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
