Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
