I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
