using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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