My hand turned me down
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
