He uses pillows to masturbate.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
