i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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