Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's the barista slut.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
