I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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