so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
