Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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