do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
