O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
