i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
