I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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