This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
