You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
