he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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