I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
