So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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