I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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