Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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