I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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