I just pynch a tree in the face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
