Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
