rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
