Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
