There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize