even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
